End of The World As We Know It
by rougescribe
Summary: A spirit of war has been sent to the realm of humans to finally start the Apocalypse. Fire? Famine? Bloodshed? Oh yes, all these things are soon to begin-! Not that Lucy knows this- she's more concerned by the strangely dressed man that jumped out in front of her car! An END of the world Comedy that may just not end the way it should be. Eventual Nalu.


_He was fire. Born of it- molded by black embers and a thirst for war._ From the very moment he could breathe, hold knowledge of the world, he knew the power that flowed inside of his veins. He knew his purpose.

The beast was made to bring ruin and destruction. The world of man had grown too vast, too stupid; taking for granted their own homes, destroying the very world they lived on. It was glorious. And there was to come an end to that life and he would be the start of it. Etherious they called him and the screams of his victims would become his future lullaby.

He was **Etherious Natsu Dragneel** , a Spirit of War- and he was the apocalypse men feared.

"Come at me ya' metal cows!"

He was also in deep shit.

Coming to the human world had not gone as planned. Men were supposed to fear him, so he'd been told. They were supposed to cower, to plead for their very lives! No one had told him the very moment he appeared in this world that he'd be bombarded by the most atrocious smells with iron walls stretching to the skies! Where were the thatched roof houses? The flammable tables and miles of wheat fields he could set alight, causing famine to hundreds?

This was not what he'd been told. Upon leaving the small alley, a man even dared to accost him for his jacket. Tried to tear it from his very back! (Of course, the fool failed. He fell back into a pile of Garbage with a mere flex of Natsu's finger against his forehead. Pitifully weak really.) - but why had he dared?

No fear. No reverence. Did the smelly human NOT realize just WHO he was? And to add insult to injury, a hairy beast he knew to be a dog dared to PEE on his boots! Purely baffling. Absurd really.

It had to be corrected. To be fixed. This error would NOT continue any longer! And so he looked on upon this smelly world and saw the humans inside the very cows! Also made of iron? How backward had this world grown?

No wonder he was created to destroy it. And he would start now. Forcing these hulking, bovine beasts to expunge themselves of the vile humans they consumed via fire. He would burn them all and relish the screams as they realized that true terror had only begun! So he stepped out into the hard, soot-covered road and shouted out his battle cry!

Imagine his surprise when the cow screeched, spinning its hooves in an attempt to dodge him while no spark of flame ignited on his finger tips.

"- Wait what the hell-?!"

It hit him out right. Smacked him in the abdomen and sent him flying back and rolling to the ground. He even heard a crack or two before he stopped and the shouts of onlookers were indeed of horror, but not in the way he imagined it. He coughed, blood and even a tooth left his mouth and soon he felt hands rolling him over- speaking words he could not understand. What was that buzzing and ringing noise bouncing about his ears? Why was his vision so blurry-? Why were disgusting humans touching him? Absolutely repulsive!

For the first time in Natsu's life, he had lost a battle. To a great, metal cow. He would have to rethink his strategy.

And that was the Spirit of War's first experience with a car accident.

To say Lucy was freaking out _would be an understatement._

The Lucy Heartfilia. Daughter of Jude, owner of the Heartfilia Metro- one of the largest public transits in the city. A woman with not ONLY a Masters in publishing but a well-known editor at that! The girl who graduated Valedictorian, top of her class. She was the smart, gorgeous, Lucy Heartfilia- and was possibly getting charged with Manslaughter.

The psycho had JUMPED in front of her car, everyone had seen it! So what if she had been chatting on her phone, the idiot was clearly suicidal! Of course, she'd only given a statement. No handcuffs were on her wrists and she'd even followed the ambulance to the hospital, just to check on the man.

But really, that had to be the issue because that judgy receptionist had been giving her the stink eye for the past thirty minutes! What was her problem, really? That she wasn't a family of the guy who didn't even have an I.D. on him? A living John Doe if she ever heard of one yet that woman behind the desk dared to judge her for wanting to make sure he didn't bleed out?

Seriously, she should be praising her for being such a nice person, not glaring as if she'd insulted the woman's entire family history. Though if she kept it up, some words about the secretaries Mother being a Hamster and Father smelling of Elderberries was sure to escape her lips. And that was the moment Lucy realized she was freaking out. Quoting Monty Python was NOT how you deal with getting the stink eye. What sort of insult even was that? With a quiet groan, she held her face in her hands and whined. This was not how her day was supposed to go.

No- she was already missing her date. A man who could almost(?) talk circles around her about writing. A true catch, really. With dark hair and eyes, charming smile-

"...maybe the psycho will be cute or something." She wondered out loud. Yes- that would solve everything now, wouldn't it? She could see it like a book: depressed man leaps in front of car. A Beautiful woman immediately checks his vitals and calls 911, inevitably saving his life while her generous- pure heart stays with him to ensure he survives. Upon waking for the first time, she would enter the room- they would lock eyes and all his troubles would melt away at the mere sight of her. And she, captivated by his own good looks, would forget her woes of a missed date for her good conscience and ask him out for tea. A beautiful romance would blossom and after some drama with amnesia, a stripping Drag queen and loads of emptied ice cream tubs- they would marry, have children and live happily ever after.

Lucy froze, mind circling back onto the very mental images she'd given herself and scoffed. Freaking out. Yes. Right. What silly nonsense was she thinking- she already knew the man to have pink hair- immediate turn-off. (Maybe- the guy was covered in blood as well- who was to say?) Focus- must focus- what was she doing again?

Freaking out. Right.

"Excuse me, Miss Heartfilia?"

Ugh- that sounded so ick, calling her Miss- why would they- oh wait the snooty receptionist was talking to her. "Yes! I'm here! Er, I mean, what's up?"

And if the woman hadn't actually been judging her earlier, she most definitely was now at that response. Raising an eyebrow, the woman cleared her throat and nodded towards the nearby doors leading to the recovery rooms.

"Since we haven't been able to contact your victim's-" _**Victim**_?! How dare she-? She hadn't MEANT to hit him! - "Family- we'll let you see him now. He's in recovery and could do with some conversation. Please try and be gentle with him."

 _Gentle_. Gentle? What did they expect she was going to do- waltz in and finish the job with his pillow?! (Maybe she'd take that pillow on that woman instead- no. Bad Lucy. Violent thoughts were bad.) Nodding her head, she left the chair far faster than intended and quickly darted off once the room number had been given.

Unfortunately, it took her another 20 minutes to find the room. Why were Hospitals so hard to navigate? Where was the logic in making a place for medicine out into some sort of maze? Some architect's idea of a terrible joke, she bet. Probably laughing as people darted about finding the wrong rooms as their loved ones lay wounded or sick, convinced no one cared because they were all alone. When really it was just because they were lost!

Huh- her thoughts took a bit of a dark turn at that. Whoops.

By the time she found the room, she'd almost convinced herself it was a lost cause and that she wasn't meant to see the man she'd almost killed. Not that she'd tried to kill him- it was still his fault!- , but there it was. Maybe he wouldn't care anyway? It's not as if he'd seen her after he'd been knocked out-

Taking a deep breath and mentally berating herself, she quickly opened the door and stepped inside. _And holy crap he cleaned up nice-_... despite the pink hair. Just standing in the entry way, her eyes were dilated before she could stop herself, observing the way the hospital gown fell atop his well-formed pecs.. Were they supposed to form fit like that?

Something told her one of the nurses gave him a size too small on purpose. Someone should give her a cookie. - licking her lips, mind completely derailed from the very script she'd given herself to say to this man from the moment she'd look at him- it was all completely ruined by something none other than himself.

Bandaged, lightly bruised- yet somehow looking perfectly fine- albeit a little tired. He stared at her quizzically for a few moments before his nose scrunched up and he interrupted her thoughts.

"You're not the one tryina stick me with a needle are ya'? Cause I don't care if m'lungs were punctured, I'll bite you." A nice, brusque voice, but the words had her staring just as quizzically in return, staring in non-plussed amazement. He thought she was the doctor? _Hello_ \- did she LOOK like a doctor dressed as she was? A tight black dress that accentuated her lovely curves and AMAZING bosom? Get with the program, man, you've just been visited by a bloody princess and THAT's what you say? Must have got a concussion or something-

"Uhh- no, I'm Lucy. Err- you probably didn't get my name earlier, but I'm the one you tried to run out in front of." Well, did run out in front of.

Yet he didn't seem too bothered by her statement, just blinking at her as if he didn't quite understand the words coming out of her mouth. In fact, his stare grew so intense, she wondered if the Doctor's hadn't actually explained anything to him. "It may be a little weird, to follow a guy you don't even know back to the hospital to make sure he's not dead or anything, but I tried NOT to hit you, you know? But it was hard not to with you standing there with your arms waving like you were expecting it, why would you do that to yourself?"

Oh great, now she was rambling- and accusing him, and maybe lecturing him? That is NOT how you help a person with the problems he had. Not even the best way to go about it. What was wrong with her? - So she bit her lip and fell quiet before she put her foot in her mouth any further than it already was.

But he _just kept staring_. Which made everything quite awkward. Why did she think this was a good idea again?

"You can- you know, say something-?" Anything, please. End her suffering so she can leave- chalk this up as her good deed for the day, call up the man she stood up and apologize before going home to cry over her favorite crime show.

She was an important lady with things to do you see.

"- you're gonna have t'run that by me one more time- cause I ain't got a clue what you're talkin' about. Run in front of what? Obviously m'damaged pretty good, but I still don't know how I got here. Oh- were you the lady whose supposed t'tell me who I am?"

Oh dear God he could NOT be serious-!

* * *

 **A/n** : Cliffhanger! To be continued? Maybe? This is a little funny I wrote one day when looking up writing prompts and it made me giggle far too much not to write it. Depending on the way you all like it will decide if I'll continue it or not.

Also- yes, I am back. Trying to be back. Setting up commissions and everything on my tumblr. What does this mean for my other fanfics? THEY WILL BE UPDATED YES!


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